New research suggests that North America is currently facing a “mating crisis.” But here’s a question—do your friends know when you’re ready to find love in a committed relationship before you do? A new study suggests they might.
Before leaping into a serious relationship, it’s important to assess whether you’re truly ready. Interestingly, new research from Michigan State University suggests your friends might already have the answer. The study found that people’s friends tend to agree on who is relationship-ready and who isn’t.
The Role of Assortative Mating
As discussions around the global “mating crisis” continue, researchers are paying close attention to a phenomenon called “assortative mating”—the tendency for individuals to choose partners with similar incomes and educational backgrounds. Experts believe this trend could be contributing to the challenges of modern dating.
However, beyond economic and social factors, friendships also play a key role in shaping how individuals view and navigate relationships.
How Attachment Styles Influence Readiness
The study explored attachment styles—patterns of emotional bonding that influence how people approach relationships. Friends who appeared less ready for commitment were often perceived as having insecure attachment styles. Individuals with insecure attachment—whether avoidant or anxious—tend to struggle with emotional closeness, experiencing heightened anxiety or distancing behaviors in relationships.
Secure attachment, by contrast, reflects the ability to form healthy, communicative relationships. This typically develops in early childhood through consistent caregiving. In contrast, individuals with avoidant attachment styles tend to be emotionally distant, self-reliant, and uncomfortable with intimacy, often keeping their feelings to themselves. Those with anxious attachment styles, on the other hand, crave closeness and reassurance from their partners, often stemming from inconsistent caregiving experiences in childhood.
While insecure attachment styles can be changed, doing so requires time, self-reflection, and open communication—whether through therapy, introspection, or discussions with trusted friends.
The Power of Friendship in Romance
“Friendships affect so many parts of our life — not just our health and happiness, but also our romantic prospects. Friends can constrain or facilitate who we date. They can also help our romantic relationships flourish or subtly and not-so-subtly undermine them,” said William Chopik, an associate professor in MSU’s Department of Psychology and co-author of the study.
The research team analyzed data from 800 individuals and their friend groups, examining each person’s readiness for a relationship. They also assessed how accurately friends could judge this readiness, while considering attachment styles—secure, avoidant, or anxious. This unique round-robin study is one of the few that highlights the influence of young adult friendships on romantic relationships.
“Judgments of readiness likely explain all sorts of reasons why friends help and hurt our chances of finding love,” said Chopik.
A Social Network Perspective on Love
“Friends play a key role in forming and maintaining romantic relationships, from introductions to advice. However, there is rarely a chance to know how they perceive us,” said Hyewon Yang, a psychology doctoral candidate at MSU. “I hope this study offers a holistic understanding of commitment readiness from a social network perspective while emphasizing the vital role of friends in pursuing, developing, and maintaining romantic relationships.”
The researchers hope their findings will provide young adults with new insights into dating, encouraging them to consider how their friendships and attachment styles influence their romantic readiness. By fostering open communication, they believe individuals can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships—both romantic and platonic.
The study was originally published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Chrissy Newton is a PR professional and founder of VOCAB Communications. She hosts the Rebelliously Curious podcast, which can be found on The Debrief’s YouTube Channel. Follow her on X: @ChrissyNewton and at chrissynewton.com.