Every child’s nightmare this time of year involves the fear of Santa skipping their home or leaving the dreaded “gift” of coal.
Now, research is revealing how parents frequently use those beliefs as a means of disciplining their children.
This holiday season, the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health found that a quarter of parents with children ages three to five employed threats involving Santa and gifts. Runners-up for most frequently used threats included no dessert, taking away toys, prematurely ending an activity, or leaving a place. Almost half of parents reported using bribes to correct misbehavior.
The Role of Discipline
In August, 725 parents with children between the ages of one and five responded to the survey, results from which yielded an intriguing analysis offering mixed news about how parents deal with the challenges of raising the next generation.
“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong,” said Mott pediatrician and Mott Poll co-director Susan Woolford, M.D. “Empty threats, however, undermine trust and credibility and aren’t usually effective. Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long term behavior.”
While discipline is meant to correct misbehavior, many parents admitted to needing to work on their own actions regarding discipline. Only half of parents said they consistently administered discipline, leaving the rest struggling. Almost a quarter of parents admitted that sometimes they were the ones misbehaving, getting unreasonably irritated at their children’s behavior. The irritation often led to reacting out of anger instead of administering consistent discipline strategies.
Discipline Challenges
The researcher’s analysis identified three recurring issues parents struggled with when disciplining their children. Some children are too young to understand, and the communication barrier makes connecting behavior to punishments challenging. Some strategies don’t always work, challenging the effectiveness of consistency. Finally, preventing an embarrassing public temper tantrum often causes parents to give in.
“It can be difficult to have a consistent approach to discipline without consideration and planning – and even then, consistency can be difficult, especially when parents are tired, distracted, or feeling overwhelmed,” Woolford said
“It’s important for parents to plan ahead and be on the same page with discipline strategies to provide a foundation for understanding expectations and prevent sending mixed signals about boundaries.”
Seeking Advice Works
Sometimes, parents need help, as the new research showed they can be unsure if their discipline strategies are effective. Only two-fifths of parents were certain their discipline strategies worked, with three-fifths saying their strategies only somewhat worked.
However, most parents actively seek help from various sources, with many reporting that they consulted other parents, talking with family and friends, or engaging with media such as books, articles, or social media posts. Few parents are unconcerned with such strategies, with the research findings indicating that only one in eight never paused to consider their discipline strategies.
Complicating this is that a considerable two in five, who report knowingly using strategies not recommended by parenting experts. These included spanking, a strategy linked to both increased defiance of the parent and increased aggression in the child.
“Parents should avoid the temptation to rely on tactics that might yield short-term compliance but have negative effects later on,” Woolford said. “Discipline strategies should be appropriate for the child’s age and developmental level.”
Look For The Right Fit
An example of this is understanding that children as young as one or two generally aren’t intentionally defying their parents, but instead are attempting to explore their environment. In such a case, distracting or redirecting the child is the most healthy and effective strategy. Fortunately, this was also the most common type of discipline respondents reported employing for their age group.
Children usually begin testing their boundaries and parental reactions around three. Woolford said the best choice for this age group was devising a punishment logically related to the action, such as cleaning up their mess after spilling a drink. Most parents for this age group reported warnings, speaking firmly, and timeouts as their go-to punishments.
“Consequences should be immediate, so the child understands the connection with their misbehavior,” she said.
Flexibility in Discipline Is Important
She cautioned parents that they need to remain flexible. “As children grow, their responses to discipline will also change, so parents should adapt their strategies and stay open to new approaches,” she said. “Balancing correction with positive reinforcement—like praise and rewards—helps children build self-esteem while learning from their mistakes.”
The “Mott Poll Report” appeared on December 16, 2024 at the website of the The National Poll on Children’s Health.
Ryan Whalen covers science and technology for The Debrief. He holds an MA in History and a Master of Library and Information Science with a certificate in Data Science. He can be contacted at ryan@thedebrief.org, and follow him on Twitter @mdntwvlf.